Her eyes looked smaller. The usual gentle calm expression on her face contorted into one of deep sadness. Her heart gnawed inside of her, begging to feel anything other than complete depression. She felt herself being pulled back to those thoughts that just told her to give up. Just give up fighting. What harm could one selfish cut possibly cause. Its not like anyone would notice anyway and her Oscar worthy facade could fool anyone. Even herself. Her eyes don’t have that adorable twinkle in them any more. In fact it has been missing for a while now. It has faded into her emotionally dark eyes, like the way a star would into a black hole. Her insides have been in an uncomfortable cringe for a long time now. She knew this internal battle she is fighting is definitely not going to end well. But she doesn’t know what else to do. If she talked nobody would understand her. If she herself doesn’t have a grip on her feelings what help would another brain be. She sighed. It has become something she does all the time now. The sound of surrender is the only little thing she lets on into plain sight. Her mind confused her. Every thing confused her. She just thought “How much longer until I completely lose control? Because I can’t take this any more. I promise I really am trying but it’s becoming too much for me to bear. I swear I will fight my hardest. To hell with my pride I need something. Anything before I do some thing I regret. I need help.” Admitting those three words are one of the hardest things she has ever done. Even if it was only to herself. She just wanted it all to end. She just wanted to smile genuinely and have a laugh escape her mouth without it being forced. She wanted to feel like herself but she doesn’t remember who she was. She just wanted to be alive without feeling dead inside. She wanted to be the best version of herself for her and everyone else around her. She wanted to live again.